College is supposed to prepare you for the "real world," but nobody tells you that the real world starts the moment you step foot on campus with $47 in your bank account and a meal plan that runs out by October.

The Ramen Revelation

You'll discover that ramen noodles aren't just food—they're a lifestyle. You'll learn to dress them up with whatever you can find: an egg if you're feeling fancy, some hot sauce if you want to live dangerously, or just plain if you've given up on life entirely.

The Art of Strategic Friendship

Making friends in college is easy. Making friends who have cars, meal swipes, and parents who send care packages? That's advanced social networking.

Time Management (Or Lack Thereof)

You'll master the art of doing a semester's worth of work in the last week before finals. It's not procrastination—it's time compression technology.

The most important thing to remember is that everyone else is just as confused as you are. They're just better at pretending they have their life together.